Getting off the Sauce, and A Friend Visits

Ok, yesterday I decided to get off the sauce, in my case that's caffeine, the good stuff. I've been having trouble sleeping lately, which I thought was related to emotional issues, but now I'm thinking might be related to issues of another kind. Woe is me. I've been hitting the coffee, and hitting it hard. It's become like a warm, dark friend, and I like this friend. My usual cup, here or there, developed into a cup a day and from there to several cups a day, and it's working it's way up to a small pot a day. Don't even let me think about the days I let myself have a Coke after the morning coffee. I use the term morning here loosely.

So, it's time. I'm on the wagon. I had home brewed decaffeinated coffee yesterday, it was SUNDAY after all, and there's a Sunday paper to read, and a couple sips of Coke. This morning, nothing. thump thump thump goes my head.

Oh and this morning I started my period. Oh, Sweet Jesus, how much harder does this have to be?!? My head is throbbing and I'm in "Give me the coffee and give it to me now!" land and a friend of another kind comes to visit. This should be an interesting week. Moving on.....


Here's some other stuff I've been thinking about.

1. My blog is not now, nor will it ever be, linear in a calendar sense. I've tried, to make it easier to find stuff, but it's not going to happen. I will write stuff about today, then tomorrow maybe something about Jordan's birthday that happened last month, and on. This serves as the official "sorry" to anyone out there but it's just the way it is.I'm coming to terms with it.


2. Empty Nest. Weird for me, yes, but gradually I'm facing it in an unusual sort of way. Bear with me, here goes......

Empty Nest Alert:
I've heard it said that certain things in life are extremely stressful: moving, money struggles, divorce, empty nest. Empty nest seems so far from what I should be feeling, what with both of the girls still living here, but (there's the but, you knew it was coming) but.....sometimes I brush right up to the edge of it.

This weekend Jordan was with Torin and his dad in Miami for an Aikido tournament, and Makenna was with her dad. I was home. Alone. And there will be a pattern of more of the same so I better get used to it.

Now, it might not seem so bad. And truth be told, at times it's not. But every now and again a sense of despair hits because I find myself wondering what exactly is going on. How is it that I'm rattling around in this house, all by my lonesome? It's so far from what I think of as the life I lead, this aloneness. It's like "Empty Nest - Phase I".


It's got me thinking. I mean, I know I'm learning so much.

I am learning to be alone, in my own company, which is something I've gotten out of the habit of knowing how to do. Or at least do for very long.

I am learning how to become motivated to work on stuff when it just doesn't seem to make sense, the aloneness, the work, how does it mesh? For example, I drive myself pretty hard to do all the work I do, keep up with the house, do school with the girls, my own school, all the paperwork, keep up with friends and family, etc. So...when I do have free time to myself, what do I do? Do I do work, or do I play, or do I create? Do I make plans with friends, or "Stay Busy" to keep myself from thinking? Or what? What feels right? How do I do my life without it attached to family, to the girls? Like I said, I am learning. And it's weird.


I knew when Rich and I switched from just sort of "figuring it out" every week with the girls to actually going to scheduled weekends, etc, that I was going to be facing some of these demons. I knew sort of leaving every weekend up to chance was an easy way for me to just stay buried in whatever happened, just kind of letting life be pretty much what it had always been. You know, me being a mom, puttering around, fitting myself around everyone else with the exception of an event or two that I want to do. Having an absence in the house even though I didn't have plans was going to challenge me. I knew this and I was right. I am challenged. And it feels uncomfortable.


Where's my coffee?

Wrap it Up.

Well, here it is September 5th and I've been home for exactly 3 weeks now. I've used the time to transition back from being away for so long (7weeks almost!), catch up with friends, and figure out planning and starting school.

Truth is, the whole time I've been home I've been missing blogging. I like the challenge I set for myself for the summer, and I like having a record of the more delicate memories of my days there. Even today as I sit down to do this blog I've enjoyed rereading of our adventures on the Cape. Also, there is a part of me that feels as if I've left a large project incomplete since I haven't written of my adventures since we all left.

So, in a two part effort - one to finish up what I started this summer, and two to continue something that's important to me - I've decided to try and catch up with the blog.

Today.

Right here.

Right now.

So....Jordan left the Hyannis on Wednesday, July 29th. She attempted to shove all of her stuff into the suitcase she brought with her when she left home, unsuccessfully. I went to TJ Maxx and got her a larger one which I think will come in handy in the future. We spent the day puttering around, talking, slowly disentangling from each other while at the same time getting as much connection as we could since Makenna and I wouldn't be home for 2 and a half more weeks. We took J to the bus station in Hyannis and she gave the bus driver her luggage, ticket and climbed aboard. She needed a ride to Logan Airport in Boston and she decided this was the way she was going to go. It's a couple of hours to get there, and then she had to negotiate when to get off, checking in, security, and getting to her gate. She did all of this swimmingly and Kenna and I were happy for her and proud of her. Jordan has been traveling all of her life, but mostly in the company of her family and friends. It made me proud to see her do everything she needed to make this trip happen and to educate herself on what to expect throughout her travels, most of it on her own. Go Jordan!!

After Jordan left Makenna and I went and ate ice-cream. Sometimes you just eat ice-cream.

Later that evening, much later, Jim and Daphne arrived from Michigan/Ohio. We weren't expecting them until the next evening, but they had a good trip and kept on motoring across this country of ours. I told you the Cape has a draw. Anyway, they were coming because we had made plans to travel to Maine when we left Cape Cod and camp at Acadia National Park. I've spent many years dreaming of getting to Acadia, so was very happy to make something happen this year. The complete plans were for Acadia first, then travel downstate to Johnson City, TN, stay for a couple of days, and then camp at Roan Mountain State Park. All of this in an effort to camp as much as possible AND for me to work my way down the east coast to make the trip back to Florida bearable and as underwhelming as possible.

Anyway, Jim and Daphne hung out with us for our last days on the Cape. I was aware of wrapping things up and at the same time was closer to Maine than I've ever been. The last couple of days were busy with the usual packing and cleaning, but on Saturday before we left we had a big lobster pig out dinner party. Usually every year we are on the Cape we have lobster dinner to celebrate all of our birthdays, at once, together. We have lobster and salads and wine and dessert and say "Happy Birthday to US!". This year was no different. Cheryl's Jim came, and Shayne from next door, Jim and Daphne were there, and Makenna and Cheryl and I of course was there.

It was great and decadent and wonderful. The girls, Makenna and Daphne, made a wonderful array of snackables for eating while we were waiting for dinner....fresh veggies and olives and hummus and fruit. Cheryl cooked the lobsters on the grill, which she finds grueling (so sad to kill the little creatures) and we had roasted potatoes (from Jim) and grilled chicken for people who don't want lobster, and pasta salad, and corn and of course BUTTER. Oh, and beer and wine. It was a very nice birthday/going away celebration.

Oh, and guess who else came to dinner? Jessie! Aunt Cheryl's sweet little girl kitty that ran away the day after we arrived decided to come back right before we left. She just strolled into the yard and Makenna said "That looks a lot like Jessie." and we looked and so it was. Aunt Cheryl cried. And we all were happy. Thanks for coming home, Jessie!

Monday August and we hit the road for Maine!

We stopped in Freeport to check out LL Bean and then on to our beautiful, lovely, stunning camp out.

And that's how it all ended.....it was so very wonderful to spend the month of July at the Cape.

I don't think I'll ever forget it.

What a summer. I have deep gratitude.